Tokking about tiudalan

I think I am very fragrant today.

Firstly, first thing this morning I had to douse myself in minyak angin cap kapak becoz whole night I couldn’t sleep well due to an upset tummy. I think it must be the farking D24 the other night. I felt as if there’s this big fat worm inside wriggling and tumbling becos this blob of discomfort kept shifting in the vast blubber which is my stomach.

Anyway, in trying to mask the stench of minyak angin, I sprayed on a torrent of my Calvin Klein perfume, for good measure mahh. So can you imagine - minyak angin + calvin klein = whattt??

As if that’s not enough, I had to stop by the mamak shop to get breakkie for a whole bunch of people. And you know how stinky a mamak shop is?? All the masala curry powder spices what-have-you molecules floating in the shop somehow have a great affinity to your clothes, hair and body. While waiting for those tortoise people to pack my nasi lemak and roti canai, all these fragrances were showered on me. So, add those to the equation and now try to imagine how blardy heong I am now. Worse than any skunk, chowtaufu or last week’s puke. Niabeh!

Tokking about smelly people, I dunno about you but I truly madly beh tahan those people with BO lah. I know sometimes it’s not their fault, kan - I mean they can’t choose the jeans genes they were born with and if their great grandfathers all stink to high heaven, it’s not their fault, kan? But… celaka… they can do something to take away the smell mahh, right anot? Fark… there’re so many tiudalan in the market - cannot buy some and put on their stinking armpits meh? The thing is, these people with longkang smells in their pores, most of them cannot face reality, they don’t wanna “meen toei yeen sutt” - like my cantonis frens always say to me.

You know why I say that? I tell you, and this is from my real real experience. There used to be this langlui in my office - face like Sammi Cheng… but, fuiyohhh… she stink like … like … a skunk corpse carcass (skunk oredi smelly, right - so imagine how its dead body will smell like lah). So, one day, being the kind-hearted-with-good-intention swahkoo that I am, I actually told her, in a very diplomasi way, that she seriously needed to get some tiudalan for her “problem”. You know what she said to me? “Ya, I know I smell a bit if I sweat lah… a bit only mahh… but then hohh… my loekoong told me cannot use tiudalan lah… becoz it can cause skin cancer mahh… u donnow ah?”

In case u think she’s some poor uneducated Ah Lian from Kampung Moeloe, you are wrong! She’s a Masters graduate in some Sciencecrap - but still can say something lidat - so how?