Farking parking

Now that we have got the courtesies outta way, first first I wanna tell u about my farking neighbour and their farking frens/families, becos horr if I dun get this off my ample bosom, I sure becum chikaulansin one.

U know we all Malaysians normally live in terrace houses, right anot? Unless u r like Bill Gates’ far-off saudara, then u can afford to live in posh places, in big bangarows la… like chue yeong lau, yeong farn kow… those types la.

So, ok… tokkin about link houses, we kiasu Malaysians always regard the space in front of our house as our goddam-private farking parking space, betul? Even tho by right that is belong to the gomen la…I mean, it’s supposed to be pubic space mahh, haimaei? But, dun care la… as long as we live in that house, that space in front is ours mahh, korek?

So u see, I always fark my laupok-kak car there and everyblardy oso do the same in front of their rumah. And if u have more than one laupok-kak, u can oso fark in front of the many empty/unoccupied houses along the road lor. No worries, no man’s land is everyblardy’s land, ngam moe?

Anyway, the other night when I went home, there was this old junk parked right in my space. Look, if the whole street is all fully-farked, then I dun mind if u borrow my space la… but no, got so much space opposite and next to it, the farker dowan to park, peen-peen park in front of my house. U say la - tiuuu or not? Wokay, I decided to be veli magnanimous (korek word or not?) and told meself if the farker fark a short while then nebermain-la. But, no wor… the farker farked there the whole blardy night! Niamah-pantydrop.

And sure enough, the idiot was the farking neighbour’s visitor laa. Tiu kau hoei. If wanna scratch kau tat car oso waste my strength la coz tat junk's 100x worse/older than my laupok-kak.

I mean, kummon la… if my frens/saudara cum visit me, I sure will tell them dun fark lidat one - got so much space elsewhere wat, dun simply fark in your neighbour place la, right? Summoh u know your neighbour hari-hari oso fark her laupok-kak there mahh...yau moe kau chor? But then maybe I no nid to tell lidat to my frens/saudara oso becoz all my frens/saudara are veli singmook one - they surely won’t do such hina things, right? Oni the kurang-ajar marderfarkers do things like dis la. And then horr… burung of the same bulu fark togeder, right?

So, no wonder la…chikaulansin moe?

Welcum Welcum!

Welcum everyblardy! Every tom, dick, mary, chibay and their dogs are welcum.

Since this is my inaugural (wahh...what a big word wor) post, I would just like to take a moment to tell you the birthing process of this brog blog.

This morning I was sitting on my ceramic throne in the nice jamban....plop plop plop went my end-result-of-last-nite's-D24.... and i was thinking there're so many things i wanna rant and rave about and i need an outlet for those before they explode inside my ample bosom.

So, you ask "but why start a chikaulansin blog?" Ohh... for those who don't speak cantonese, lemme explain wtf is "chikaulansin"... actually it's supposed to be just "chi sin" (meaning crazy, gila lah)... but then hor, if i name my blog just "chi sin", it's so un-glam, kan? So, add in the "kau" and the "lan" (which by the way mean the same thing, referring to the male genitals lah)...wahh, suddenly it sounds so much better. But then hor... i need to give credit where credit is due... and the idea of this name actually came from my brogger-buddy, Hiongkongkiok, becoz we alwayz bitch about chikaulansin things...both in pubic and in private.

Soooo...that's how chikaulansin came about... it came out plop plop togeder wit my D24-remnants... and in da spirit of chikaulansin, everything and anything goes here, wokay! Lemme warn you all first, if you are those blardy hypocrites who cringe and cry at the mere mention of cororful language, then please stay away becoz i may be chikaulansin but i certainly do not wanna be responsible for anyone who pengsan, get heat rush or cardiac arrest ... or worse, chide me and my readers for the way we komuniskate here, ok!

Wokay, if you can accept the above and are game for some cororful languange and thoughts, let's partayyy! And by the way, i never study popperly, so if u don't understand my england, i may lapse into melayu, cantonis, hokkien even and i oso know sum yannadey chikaulansin words... so, if u don't understand, feel free to clarity lahh! Don't act like cleber-hoekaulek-lidat and then totally miss my drift, wokay!